From IF to Lyme

I feel like I have fallen down the rabbit hole of under-diagnosed and unsupported diseases. Five years ago I was faced with an infertility diagnosis that left me emotionally scarred and $30,000 poorer than when I started. Now I’m staring down the face of a Lyme Disease diagnosis, which, just might do me in both physically, emotionally and financially.

Who knew that Lyme Disease was one of those controversial diseases that even the CDC doesn’t fully recognize and understand in regards to treatment and protocol?

Sound familiar, infertility warriors?

Jesus.

Didn’t we just fight the CDC 2 years ago? Here it is, they are my adversaries again. This time, it’s due to the stupid way they recognize Lyme, and the recommended treatment protocols that they suggest and thus, pass down to the insurance companies.

My initial consult with my Lyme Specialist was $300. Cash. The labs I had drawn today (16 vials of blood, which made me pass out. Oh yes. The infertility blood draw warrior in me passed out COLD at the lab.) will cost around $1,000.

I’ve read that the treatment protocol that I will endure could be upwards of $30,000-$50,000.

I just can’t.

I can’t even begin to tell you how defeated I feel  –  and I haven’t even started this process yet.

I’m so scared. I’m scared that this diagnosis will be my undoing. I’ve dealt with too much and I don’t know if I have another fight in me at this point.

This morning I spent time reading about the initial diagnosis process and how the resulting Lyme treatment leads to a very high suicide rate in patients.

I can see how that is possible.

I’ve already been through so much. More than I can ever begin to articulate. And now, to get my life back, I have to shed out parasites and toxins for 10 months to 3 years, just to get a glimpse of my “old” self? Yeah. I’m not sure if I’m up to that.

When you live with Lyme you have 2 choices: you can either live with the day to day hell, and forget ever being “you” again. Or, you can sacrifice your family, your job and your financial future and give treatments a try.

I’m starting to finally reel from my diagnosis.

I’m sad. I’m angry. I’m frustrated that there isn’t a better way.

I’m scared that I won’t be able to physically endure any more torture to my body. 

I do what I can to summon the energy to move forward. But I never envisioned this – from IF to Lyme.

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Katie
    Oct 22, 2013 @ 16:53:56

    I hate that you are going through this. So. freakin. much. But I’m here to do whatever I can to support you. You WILL make it through. You are tough as shit, and you have a whole team of people behind you. Love you lots. xo

    Reply

  2. Rita
    Oct 22, 2013 @ 18:23:07

    Everything Katie said. ((Hugs))

    Reply

  3. KeAnne
    Oct 28, 2013 @ 18:44:38

    I am so sorry you have to deal with this. My coworker was diagnosed w/ Lyme a few months ago, and I had NO idea the treatment was this invasive or expensive. If I can help in any way, please let me know.

    Reply

  4. Rebecca
    Nov 04, 2013 @ 18:42:54

    Sending so much love your way. I can’t imagine how hard this is to deal with.

    Reply

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